ALL ARE WELCOME: Lesbian Young Adult Balances Faith and Exclusion

Kate Childs Graham

The ALL ARE WELCOME series is an occasional feature  which examines how Catholic faith communities can become more inclusive of LGBT people and issues.  At the end of this posting, you can find the links to previous posts in this series.

For most Catholics, experiences of inclusion in our local parishes during liturgy or various social events are central elements tying us to the faith. A supportive, positive local community can build us up in the face of a wayward hierarchy or, alternatively, tear us down with its rejection.

Kate Childs Graham writing in National Catholic Reporter highlights the experiences of one young adult struggling to find welcome in the faith she loves. Kate narrates the story of Danielle, a college student in Texas who grew up in the same parish, St. Phillip’s, where she now mentors as a peer educator. Kate continues:

“Danielle came out of the closet at 15. The director of religious education at St. Philip’s was one of the first people to accept her.

“She told me, ‘That’s cool,’ Danielle recalled. ‘Just don’t be too gay.’

“So she continued to educate and walk with ‘her kids’ — as she calls them — in the confirmation class. But then, the parish got a new priest and a new director of religious education.

“’He said that being gay is bad,’ Danielle said. ‘I never heard any priest I knew talk like that.’”

After finding welcome, Danielle suffered rejection as a Catholic lesbian due to parish staffing changes. Motivated by fear that she would be asked to stop peer education or be unable to assume leadership of the mariachi choir her family ran since 1969, Danielle went back into the closet.

Danielle’s new personal ministry to attend Mass with LGBT young people who were thrown out of  Confirmation class for their identity, and then plays music at four separate parishes on Sundays. For now, Kate writes:

“Danielle knows the church she loves has a long way to go, but her prayer is pretty simple: ‘I just want my parish to be a bit more accepting.’”

Positive parish-level responses to LGBT individuals and families are sometimes the simplest acts with the greatest effect we can have for our communities. New Ways Ministry maintains a national Gay-Friendly Parishes and Faith Communities list in attempting to identify those communities who strive for welcome and inclusion.

Bondings 2.0 is curious about our readers’ experiences.

• Is your Catholic parish accepting of LGBT individuals and/or families?
• What do professional ministers and lay leaders enact that creates a better atmosphere?
• In your experiences, what are common obstacles to changing a parish’s culture?
• What are good strategies?

We welcome you to leave your answers to these questions and more below in the “Comments” section.

–Bob Shine, New Ways Ministry

ALL ARE WELCOME: What Is a ‘Gay-Friendly’ Parish?

The ALL ARE WELCOME series is an occasional feature  which examines how Catholic faith communities can become more inclusive of LGBT people and issues.  At the end of this posting, you can find the links to previous posts in this series.

Gay-friendly Catholic parishes and communities have sprouted up across the country over the last two decades, and New Ways Ministry has maintained a list of such places both on our website and in every edition of our tabloid newsletter, Bondings.  We began the list in 1997 with 20 parishes.  Today, the list contains well over 200 communities, and new ones are added frequently.

From time to time New Ways Ministry is asked how we decide if a parish is gay-friendly or not.  It’s a good question.  We offer some specifics in our newsletter’s introduction to the list where we note criteria:  the presence of a support or spirituality group, inclusion of LGBT people in a welcome or mission statement, parish involvement in gay community events, ministry for parents and families of LGBT people, public recognition of the presence of LGBT people in the community.

Our criteria are admittedly broad.  While all parishes will have one of these markers that they are welcoming to LGBT people, probably only a handful would have ALL of these criteria.    One unifying characteristic among all the criteria is that the parish is giving some sort of public witness to their welcome of LGBT people.  We believe that being public about support is a minimum.

One type of parish that we generally don’t include on our list is a parish whose sole criterion is that it is a place where a lot of LGBT people are known to attend, but which does not make any public acknowledgement of their presence or of an explicit welcome.  This is the case, sometimes, in urban ministry settings, or parishes that are situated in gay neighborhoods.   While these parishes may, in fact, offer a passive welcome, we believe that it is important for them to acknowledge this welcome publicly in order to be on the list.   Our rationale is that people who are seeking a gay-friendly parish are people who are seeking a place where they can, if they so choose, be public about their identity.   If a parish is unwilling to be public about its affirmation of LGBT people, we are not confident that it will be place that will welcome those who may decide that they want to be public about who they are.

Our purpose in maintaining this list is two-fold.  First, we want to be able to help people find a Catholic parish where they will be accepted.  Many times people have had bad pastoral experiences at parishes due to LGBT issues, so we want to provide a resource that people can refer to in order to find a place where they can be sure such negative experiences won’t happen.

Second, we want to show that there are indeed Catholic parishes that welcome LGBT people and are concerned about their lives and issues.  Too often, people assume that all Catholic institutions are unwelcoming of LGBT people because of negative messages which emanate from hierarchical sources or some pastoral ministers.   While these negative views often capture media attention, the reality is that the majority of Catholic lay people, and a good number of parishes, are supportive of LGBT people.  This list belies the myth that Catholics are unfriendly to LGBT issues.

How do we maintain the list?  The most productive way is by word of mouth.  People call, email, tell us in person about a parish in their region that they have experienced as gay-friendly.   We always make sure that they can verify at least one public way that the parish makes their welcome known.  Once we know that, we put the parish on the list.  To make things easier for folks, we have an online form on our website where people can inform us of parishes that are not yet listed.

Word of mouth is also how we find out if a parish on our list has stopped being gay-friendly.  This phenomenon, while relatively uncommon, can happen due to some change in the parish—usually the replacement of a pastor or pastoral minister who had been the backbone of LGBT outreach.   We appreciate hearing about this change so that we can remove such communities from the list.  So, if you have had a bad experience at any place listed, please let us know, and we will try to find out what might have caused such a change.

Of course, we are aware that this list is in no way comprehensive.  Though we do hear of many of the gay-friendly parishes around the country, we are sure that there are still many others that we don’t know of.  For one thing, many parishes continue to grow in their awareness of being welcoming of LGBT people, so the number of gay-friendly communities continues to grow with each passing year.

So, please do let us know about Catholic parishes in your area that we don’t yet have on the list.  Use our online form or simply post the name and location of such a parish in the “comments” section of this post.

–Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry

 

Previous posts in the ALL ARE WELCOME series:

Say the Words, December 14, 2011

All in the Family , January 2, 2012

At Notre Dame, Does Buying In Equal Selling Out? , January 25, 2012

A Priest With An Extravagant Sense of Welcome,  February 13, 2012

Going Beyond the Boundaries, April 11, 2012

St. Nicholas Parish Celebrates 10 Years of LGBT Ministry, May 24, 2012

When Homophobes Attack, June 7, 2012

An Open Door Policy for Catholic Schools, July 15, 2012

Memo to Cardinal George on How to Show Respect for LGBT People, August 4, 2012

ALL ARE WELCOME: When Homophobes Attack

The ALL ARE WELCOME series is an occasional feature  which examines how Catholic faith communities can become more inclusive of LGBT people and issues.  At the end of this posting, you can find the links to previous posts in this series.

An Australian Catholic priest used the occasion of an anti-gay rant to educate parishioners and others about the gifts that LGBT people bring to the Catholic church.

According to Fr. Peter Maher’s blog, he preached recently in his parish, St. Joseph’s, Newtown, near Sydney, about a YouTube video which chastised the parish for its LGBT ministry. The video, shot outside the church by Michael Voris, is a tendentious diatribe that purports to be “news.”  Fr. Maher, however, used this opportunity to spread a message of love and inclusion:

“Far from judging and vilifying lesbians and gays, as we heard from Michael Voris in his video about the Newtown parish Friday night Mass, I suggested that hearing the stories of lesbian and gay Catholics and how that had influenced my reading in order to better pastorally care for all Catholics might offer a new way of seeing lesbian and gay Catholics as gift rather than ‘the other’ for whom we might feel sorry.”

Fr. Peter Maher

Fr. Maher explains what his experience in ministry has taught him about LGBT Catholics:

“What I learned from hearing these stories was that lesbian and gay Catholics are like all people trying to live their faith – they are searching for meaning and joy and authenticity in and through the Catholic community and the spiritual wisdom of the bible and church tradition. Catholics expect to find guidance and encouragement, as well as challenge, but  lesbian and gay Catholics find all too often that they are asked to deny their sexuality or, at best, to be invisible.”

More importantly, he notes that the wider church stands to benefit from what can be learned form the LGBT faith experience:

“Theologians and spiritual writers are beginning to write from the perspective of the world in which we live and the life stories of lesbian and gay Catholics. If sexuality is a gift from God and if psychology and science are correct in finding that homosexuality is God-given, that is not chosen, then homosexuality must also be a gift from God.  What might this gift be?  Those doing theology with the insight of the stories of lesbian and gay Catholics and modern science suggest such areas as intimacy, friendship, faithful love and personal growth might be a gift to the church and indeed the world.”

In particular, heterosexual Catholics have the opportunity to learn about sexual morality from their LGBT brothers and sisters:

“Where traditional sexual ethics has dominated church teaching about heterosexual relationships and marriage; homosexuals have had to find the meaning for themselves of their God-given attraction and have made some astoundingly good gospel-based spiritual discoveries.  While heterosexual relationships are struggling in the current climate of distrust of church teaching; homosexual relationships, lived according to gospel principles of love, seem to be finding a beautiful expression.”

The lessons to be learned from this episode are at least two-fold:

1) An attack on ministry to and with LGBT people can easily be turned into an opportunity to educate and promote the acceptance and inclusion of LGBT people in the Catholic Church.  As the old saying goes, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

2) LGBT ministry is more than just “helping” LGBT people, but recognizing that the wider church, in fact, has the opportunity to be helped by its LGBT members.  The unique spiritual and personal journey that LGBT people live has gifts and blessings that can be of benefit to all in the church.  If the church doesn’t welcome these people and gifts, it is denying many great avenues of grace for the rest of its members, too.

Thank you, Fr. Maher, for teaching us not only about LGBT gifts, but also about how to respond gracefully and forthrightly when ministry is attacked.

–Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry

Previous posts in the ALL ARE WELCOME series:

Say the Words , December 14, 2011

All in the Family , January 2, 2012

At Notre Dame, Does Buying In Equal Selling Out? , January 25, 2012

A Priest With An Extravagant Sense of Welcome,  February 13, 2012

Going Beyond the Boundaries, April 11, 2012

St. Nicholas Parish Celebrates 10 Years of LGBT Ministry, May 24, 2012

 

ALL ARE WELCOME: St. Nicholas Parish Celebrates 10 Years of LGBT Ministry

The ALL ARE WELCOME series is an occasional feature  which examines how Catholic faith communities can become more inclusive of LGBT people and issues.  At the end of this posting, you can find the links to previous posts in this series.

St. Nicholas parishioners bless those of their community who are involved in the parish’s Gay, Lesbian, Families and Friends Ministry, on the occasion of the ministry’s 10th anniversary. (Photo by Emily Bradfield)

St. Nicholas Parish, Evanston, Illinois, recently celebrated the 10th anniversary of their Gay, Lesbian, Families and Friends Ministry.  You can read a history of the ministry here. As part of the celebration, David Phillipart, parish director of liturgy, wrote the following blessing prayer for those involved in the ministry.  It’s beauty speaks for itself.  Parishioner Debbie Winarski commented, “It really was a beautiful moment–the kind that gives one strength to keep going.”

St. Nicholas Parish is on New Ways Ministry’s list of gay-friendly Catholic parishes, where folks can find a local Catholic community which welcomes LGBT people.

To St. Nicholas Parish’ outreach ministry, we say: “Ad multos annos!”

St. Nicholas Parish Prayer of Blessing

For ten years now, our parish’s Gay, Lesbian, Families and Friends Ministry has worked to provide a place for Catholics who are gay and lesbian, their family members and friends, and our parish as a whole to grown in faith, hope, and love. Today we want to bless the members of this ministry, so I ask you to come now to the place of the blessing before the altar.
You are nurturers and prayers,
Preachers and prophets,
healers and photographers,
you are parents,
you are sisters and brothers,
you are Catholics and you are treasured parishioners.
We honor the decade of your lives spent in this ministry.

[As is our custom I now invite others who wish you join these sisters and brothers to come forward and place a hand on them in blessing, and let us all stand and extend our hands.]

Holy God,
in love you created us: men, women, and children
In your own divine image and likeness
enlivening the universe with our variety of gifts, traits, abilities, skills, and circumstances—
faults and foibles, too.
You created us to love you and to love one another
in many and wonderful ways.
So the love of Abraham and Sarah
brought to birth your people,
Ruth and Naomi’s loving faithfulness
to each other shines as a sign of your love for us,
and the deep devotion of David and Jonathan
to each other reveals how complete
is your commitment to us.
Rising from the tomb and ascending to you,
Christ makes new our capacity to love each other.
No longer merely Jew nor Greek, slave or free,
male or female,
we love each other
as heirs to your promise,
your daughters and sons,
sisters and brothers of Jesus.

Bless all the members of our parish Gay and Lesbian, Families and Friends Ministry.
Give wisdom to their search for ways to tell of your goodness and understand our humanity.
Grant success to their long labors to call your church
to be an ever-more inclusive community.
Magnify their joys and heal the hurts
that prejudice and oppression have wrought.
Empower us to draw all your children
into your loving embrace,
made real in our community and in our commitments.
We ask this in the name of the One
who taught us that you are love,
and what when we live in love, we live in you,
through Christ our Lord. Amen.”

–David Philippart

–Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry

Previous posts in the ALL ARE WELCOME series:

Say the Words , December 14, 2011

All in the Family , January 2, 2012

At Notre Dame, Does Buying In Equal Selling Out? , January 25, 2012

A Priest With An Extravagant Sense of Welcome,  February 13, 2012

Going Beyond the Boundaries, April 11, 2012

ALL ARE WELCOME: Going Beyond the Boundaries

The ALL ARE WELCOME series is an occasional feature  which examines how Catholic faith communities can become more inclusive of LGBT people and issues.  This is the fifth installment.  At the end of this posting, you can find the links to previous posts in this series.

Do you participate in your local parish or have you needed to find another Catholic faith community outside the boundaries of your neighborhood, town, or geographic area?  If you are a Catholic for whom LGBT justice and equality are important, you may fall into the second category.

A recent New York Times article, “A Parish Without Borders,” focuses on St. Boniface parish, in downtown Brooklyn, NY, which attracts parishioners outside of its surrounding neighborhood.  Not surprisingly, the parish’s welcoming approach to LGBT people and families is part of its wide appeal.  Indeed, the reporter also notes that a similar welcome of LGBT people has attracted many to another “intentional parish” in New York City:

“St. Boniface is an example of an intentional parish, a phrase some members of the clergy use to describe a destination church that attracts people from beyond its geographic boundaries. Many gay and lesbian Catholics travel to the Church of St. Francis Xavier in Chelsea [Manhattan].”

(Incidentally, both of these parishes are included on New Ways Ministry’s “Gay-Friendly Parish” list, which catalogs over 200 parishes around the country with an explicit welcome of LGBT people.  Many, though not all, of these faith communities could be described as “intentional parishes.”)

Indeed, the article uses homosexuality as the touchstone for defining the accepting pastoral approach that St. Boniface has adopted:

“ ‘Meeting them where they are’ is a mantra among St. Boniface’s five priests and a lay brother, who make it a point to invite new faces to monthly home-cooked lunches in the rectory.

“But the inclusive philosophy has a stickier side. While the priests hold true to and convey all the church’s teachings, whether from the Vatican, the United States Conference of Bishops or the Diocese of Brooklyn, they accept that not everyone in the pews does.

“When a lesbian couple approached one of the priests, the Rev. Mark Lane, about baptizing their child, they were afraid he would turn them away, he said. But they were welcomed. For Father Lane, 55, the parish’s openness simply reflected Christ’s teachings to love everyone. Even if that could be taken as an implicit critique of the church’s position on homosexuality, the parish did not make the family occasion into a cause.

“ ‘The danger is, you turn that into a platform and forget about the persons involved, and I think that’s wrong,’ Father Lane said. The two mothers stood at the font with their child along with everyone else. ‘The symbol is visually powerful, but that’s enough.’ ”

“The priests prefer to address controversial issues like same-sex marriage and the death penalty outside of Mass, and while anti-abortion marches are listed in the church bulletin, they are not announced after services.”

The question that comes immediately to mind is:  “Since these parishes are so successful, why aren’t other communities following their example?”  If these intentional parishes are able to attract people who must travel some distance to get there every Sunday (and to participate in non-liturgical activities during the week), they must be doing something right.  It seems obvious that a big part of the attraction they offer is the extravagant sense of welcome described above.  “Meeting people where they are” is key to that welcome, and something that all parishes could adopt with no additional cost, other than an intentional effort on the part of parish staff.

The notion of an intentional parish is not without controversy, however.  While the article states that none other than New York’s Cardinal Timothy Dolan recently gave an endorsement to the idea of Catholics seeking out parishes where they feel welcome, stating:

“I don’t mind telling you to be rather mercantile. If the particular parish that you’re in does not seem to be listening, there are an abundance of those that are.”

Yet the Brooklyn diocese’s Monsignor Kieran E. Harrington holds a different opinion:

“The church is about growing where you’re planted. . . .It’s like a family. . . .You don’t choose your family.”

What do you think?  Which is more important:  worshiping locally or worshiping in an inclusive setting?    Whatever you may have decided, what have you had to “trade-off”?  What benefits do you receive?  How did you find the community in which you feel welcome?  Do you have any advice for others?

Please submit your answers to these questions in the “Comments” section of this post.

–Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry

Previous posts in the ALL ARE WELCOME series:

Say the Words , December 14, 2011

All in the Family , January 2, 2012

At Notre Dame, Does Buying In Equal Selling Out? , January 25, 2012

A Priest With An Extravagant Sense of Welcome,  February 13, 2012

Are You Ready to Take the Next Steps?

Do you want to do something to help further LGBT equality in society and the Catholic church but are not sure what you should do or could do?  If so, then you are a candidate for New Ways Ministry’s “Next Steps” program.

“Next Steps” is a weekend program designed to help people plot out a course of practical, feasible actions to further LGBT equality and justice that they can perform in their home communities.  If you are an LGBT person, a family member, a friend, a church minister, this program can help you find out ways to make a difference.   No pre-requisite knowledge or experience is needed other than a willingness to listen, reflect, and share.  The only requirement for participating in the program is a desire to figure out what YOUR next steps may be.

New Ways Ministry will be sponsoring a “Next Steps” weekend, May 11-13, 2012.  Our hosts will be Dignity/Los Angeles, and the program will be held at the Dignity Center, 126 South Avenue 64, Los Angeles, California, 90042.  For more information on this event, click here.    The weekend will be facilitated by New Ways Ministry’s Co-Founder Sister Jeannine Gramick, and Executive Director Francis DeBernardo.

The program–a blend of presentations, small group discussions, prayer, reflection, and planning–helps a participant come up with a series of next steps that fit their gifts, abilities, limits, and home community.  No one is expected or encouraged to take any particular action.  Only you can decide what the next steps are for you.  Everyone’s next steps will be unique to them and their situations.

For example, as a result of a Next Steps weekend, a pastoral minister may feel called to start an educational program in a parish setting.  A parishioner may decide that it is time to come out to their family, friends, and faith community.  A teacher may discern ways to integrate LGBT topics into classroom discussions.  A parent may realize that it is time to seek support from other parents of LGBT people.  A social worker may feel called to start a support group for LGBT teens.   All these are different sets of next steps that past participants have developed–and all are excellent because they were appropriate for each individual person.

The weekend is divided into five parts:

• Discerning an Individual Call to LGBT Equality
• Listening to the Catholic Call to Work for Justice
• Appreciating the Gifts and Struggles of LGBT People
• Designing Your Next Steps
• Sharing Your Next Steps with Others

“Next Steps”  participants learn from the program presenters, but they also learn from each other.  Networking with other Catholics who are interested in LGBT ministry and activities is an important benefit of participating in the weekend.  People learn from sharing each others’ ideas, struggles, and joys.  They gain support by making contact with people who share their ideals and values.

Do you want to be empowered to further the work for LGBT equality and justice?  Do you want to build a church where all are welcome and valued?  Do you want to take the next steps?

–Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry

NEWS NOTES: January 31, 2012

Here are some links to items you might find of interest:

1) The controversy surrounding the naming of anti-homophobia student groups in Ontario’s Catholic schools has added a new wrinkle with a Toronto Star report that the Province’s Education “College [is] asked to investigate principal who banned gay-straight alliance.”   Bondings 2.0′s  latest posting on this controversy can be accessed here.

2) The Washington Blade reports that “religious institutions receiving federal funds for housing programs will have to abide by a new HUD (Housing & Urban Development) rule prohibiting discrimination against LGBT people.”  Details can be found in the article “HUD: Religious groups must abide by LGBT non-bias rule.”
In a letter to President Obama, the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops had opposed the non-discrimination rule. Equally Blessed, a Catholic coalition of LGBT justice and equality, also sent a letter to Obama in support of the rule.

3) The Buffalo News‘ Donn Esmonde writes how a “Priest’s legacy of tolerance is all-embracing.”  It’s an inspiring memoir about the late Msgr. William Schwinger of whom he writes:  “Back when society treated gays as incomplete people, long before anyone envisioned the state sanctioning gay marriage, this priest— despite the Catholic Church’s institutional condemnation of homosexuality— welcomed them into the fold.”

–Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry

NEWS NOTES: January 6, 2012

Here are links to some items that may be of  interest:

1)  CNN’s “Belief Blog reports on the “Courage” story which we commented on yesterday:  “Controversial Catholic program for gays begins in Connecticut.”

2) On HuffingtonPost.com, Joseph Amodeo points out that there are better ministry alternatives than  “Courage” in “Redefining Courage:  What the New Apostolate for LGBT Catholics Gets Wrong.”

3) The Catholic governor of Maryland, Martin O’Malley, will be including a marriage equality bill and a transgender non-discrimination bill in his legislative package this year reports The Washington Blade in “Maryland to take up marriage, trans bills.”

–Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry

When Courage Fails

A recent news report that the Archdiocese of Hartford will be instituting a “Courage” support group for lesbian and gay people has me reflecting on the approach that Courage takes to LGBT ministry.

Courage is a national organization with local chapters.  It was founded in 1980 by Fr. John Harvey, OSFS; its main purpose is to help lesbian and gay people maintain a celibate life, in accordance with magisterial teaching.

There are many reasons why people have objected to Courage groups.  Some say that the ministry’s approach treats homosexuality as a psychological defect.  Others object that Courage often uses a 12-step spirituality approach to homosexuality, thus treating it as something akin to an addiction.  Some point out that Courage groups have often veered off into the areas of reparative therapy or conversion ministry (i.e., trying to change one’s orientation to heterosexual) even though this approach was never sanctioned by Fr. Harvey. Still others observe that Courage does not take a positive attitude toward committed, loving sexual relationships.

The main problem I see with the Courage ministry is that it primarily views lesbian/gay people in terms of sexual activity.  This approach does not consider lesbian/gay people as whole people, but narrowly defines them in terms of sex.

Lesbian/Gay people are so much more than their sexuality, and ministry with them should address the totality of their lives.  For example, lesbian/gay people  have often suffered alienation, marginalization, and oppression, and these factors need to be addressed, too.  They are also people who have come to a remarkable and wondrous discovery about themselves that is very different from the majority of the population–a difference which should be celebrated.  Lesbian/Gay people may have experienced harsh messages from church authorities which may have affected their relationship with God which may need healing.  Most importantly, lesbian/Gay people have spiritual gifts which they long to bring to the church community, so ministry with them could focus on opportunities for them to share these gifts.

In short, a ministry which primarily focuses on the possibility of sexual activity is a very stunted ministry.    It is a model of ministry which ignores a great deal about the human person and how they can be integrated into a community.

Because of their emphasis on celibacy, Courage’s leaders often claim that they are fully in accord with magisterial teaching.  Not so.  In the Vatican’s “Letter to the Bishops on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons,” pastoral ministers are reminded

“The human person, made in the image and likeness of God, can hardly be adequately described by a reductionist reference to his or her sexual orientation.”

Courage’s emphasis on sexual behavior violates this principle by reducing people not only to their sexual orientation, but reducing them even further to consider them in terms of possible sexual activity.  This kind of thinking violates another important pastoral principle, articulated by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops in their letter, Always Our Children:

“Do not presume that all homosexual persons are sexually active.”

Many parishes and faith communities have adopted a more integrated approach to lesbian/gay ministry than Courage does.  New Ways Ministry maintains  lists of  these gay-friendly parishes and gay-friendly Catholic college campuses which follow this healthy and holy path of outreach. Models of ministry which consider the totality of  the life of  lesbian/gay people offer a better, more effective invitation to life in the Christian community than the Courage model offers.

–Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry

ALL ARE WELCOME: All in the Family

In this second installment of our blog’s occasional series, “ALL ARE WELCOME” which reviews how Catholic parishes and other faith communities can become more accepting of  LGBT people, we have guest bloggers, Mary Ellen and Casey Lopata, offering their thoughts on family ministry.  The Lopatas have been active in LGBT ministry since the early 1990s, and they are the co-founders of Fortunate Families, a national network of  Catholic parents and family members of LGBT people. 

Reaching Out to Families with LGBT Members

Several years ago, David and Joan visited their pastor.  Their son, Jim, had just told them he is gay.  They loved Jim, but struggled with a myriad of emotions: loneliness, fear, confusion, and grief to name a few.  These were not the first parents to come to Fr. Tom with this story, but this visit made him realize parents need more than his listening heart.  So, he established a support group for parents who love their gay kids and want to support one another.

Such support groups have helped allay Catholic parents’ tears and fears.  Many successful alumni have come to understand that our LGBT daughters and sons are made in the image of God and inherently as whole and holy as our straight kids.  We see God’s love revealed in them as they strive to love God and neighbor, as the person God made them to be, faithfully seeking God’s voice in their hearts, often in loving relationships and as loving parents.

We understand ourselves as Fortunate Families.  When we experience discriminatory words and actions of those who lack this understanding, strong feelings arise: frustration, anger and sometimes betrayal, especially if from our own Catholic leaders.

Parents’ understanding of our LGBT loved ones, our passionate commitment to justice for them, and the fact that parents are more likely to be listened to because we are the faithful, heart and soul (and wallets) of our parishes, are precisely why Catholic parents are uniquely positioned to make a difference.  As one parent said:

 “…this precious son of ours is the same son that we and God conceived, carried, gave birth to and had baptized into the Catholic family.  Though he is too tired to fight for a place at the table, we will spend our last breath carrying the message that God loves each of His precious children, and so do we.”

Additionally, establishing a ministry to parents is a good way to introduce this new ministry to a parish that may be a bit hesitant to approach LGBT topics.  People who may feel awkward about addressing the topic head-on may find that this alternative allows them to ask the questions that they need to address about LGBT topics.

Today, another kind of outreach to parents is also needed.  Engaged and nurtured, as we move from our initial tears-and-fears into the ire-and-fire of advocacy, parents can—and do—add an extra dimension to the Catholic LGBT equal justice movement.

How can you encourage and help parents to share our stories of love and faith and demand LGBT justice and equality?  Can you offer us opportunities to collaborate with other individuals and groups who insist our loved ones be treated with dignity and accepted into the Catholic faith community as full and equal members, morally equivalent to heterosexual persons?  We’re available!

–Mary Ellen and Casey Lopata, Fortunate Families