New Ways Ministry Builds Bridges with Archbishop Cordileone

Sister Jeannine Gramick, Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone, Francis DeBernardo at New Ways Ministry

Sister Jeannine Gramick, Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone, Francis DeBernardo at New Ways Ministry

Fulfilling a promise he made last summer, Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone of San Francisco met with New Ways Ministry’s Francis DeBernardo and Sister Jeannine Gramick on Monday, December 15, 2014, to help enrich understanding of each other’s approaches to marriage equality and LGBT issues.

In June of 2014, New Ways Ministry joined a group of LGBT equality organizations in an open letter asking Cordileone, who heads the U.S. bishops’ committee on the Promotion and Defense of Marriage,  not to speak at the March for Marriage rally in Washington, DC, organized by groups which oppose marriage equality, some of which were known to have a strong record of statements and actions that were harmful to LGBT people.  In response, Cordileone issued an open letter explaining why he would speak, and also agreed to meet with any of the signers of the original letter as a way to better understand one another.

Two groups took Cordileone up on his offer for a personal meeting: New Ways Ministry and DignityUSA. Earlier in autumn 2014, Cordileone met in San Francisco with representatives from Dignity. New Ways Ministry’s meeting occurred on December 15, 2014, at our offices in Mount Rainier, Maryland, while the Archbishop was in the Washington, DC area on other church business.

DeBernardo met Cordileone and drove him to our offices. Gramick introduced herself, while Matt Myers and Bob Shine, two New Ways Ministry staff members, were also on hand to greet the archbishop and serve a light lunch of sandwiches. After the archbishop opened with a prayer, Cordileone, DeBernardo, and Gramick shared some of their life stories and experiences. Both Cordileone and DeBernardo have similar backgrounds, sharing an Italian heritage, and having attended public schools while being very much involved with the Catholic Church. Gramick talked about her Polish roots as an only child in a non-practicing Catholic family, but surrounded by Catholics until graduate school when she was first introduced to the gay community.

As the conversation progressed, they discussed how Catholic groups with opposing views on marriage can better understand and speak with one another. Cordileone mentioned Pope Francis’ idea of “encounter,” of meeting people where they are and beginning a dialogue with them. Cordileone stressed the importance of breaking down stereotypes on each side of the issue. He noted that both groups sometimes say things that cause harm to the other side, and that the harm is often not intended.

New Ways Ministry asked for advice on how LGBT Catholics and their families can initiate dialogues with their local bishops.  He noted that bishops often have many demands on their time and many requests for appointments.  A more practical route may be for people to request meetings with directors of diocesan ministries, such as family life, or with other chancery officials.

New Ways Ministry asked how a lesbian or gay person could speak to the U.S. bishops at one of their meetings. Cordileone mentioned that a member of the Courage ministry group, which promotes celibacy for lesbian and gay Catholics, has spoken to the bishops’ conference in the past. New Ways Ministry asked if other lesbian and gay persons could speak to the bishops. He considered this and seemed receptive to hearing the perspectives of gay and lesbian parish members.  Cordileone also noted that there is a great need to find ways to reach out to lesbian and gay people who are not close to the Church, including those who have been alienated from the institution.

New Ways Ministry spoke about six Catholic parents who met with Archbishop Chaput in Philadelphia in April to tell their stories about their gay and lesbian children. The parents were enthused and delighted with Archbishop Chaput’s warm reception and invitation to meet again. Cordileone was interested in learning more about the meeting from Chaput.

Gramick mentioned that, although she and Bishop Thomas Paprocki of Springfield, Illinois, differed on the issue of same-sex marriage, she and Paprocki had a delightful luncheon together as they shared their common ethnic backgrounds. She asked Cordelione to give her warm regards to Paprocki when they next meet.

Cordileone expressed genuine concern for how to speak about lesbian and gay people in ways that would not compromise his concern for church teaching or would harm lesbian and gay people. New Ways Ministry suggested that he elaborate more on church teaching concerning the human dignity of LGBT people and to show interest in their lives beyond the question of sexual ethics.  DeBernardo and Gramick shared a list of suggestions that were published on Bondings 2.0 in the summer of 2012.

Knowing that he often serves meals as part of the supper ministry of Most Holy Redeemer parish, a gay-friendly church in San Francisco, New Ways Ministry encouraged him to celebrate liturgy with the community, too, and he responded positively.  We also discussed with him some of the other ways that gay-friendly parishes across the nation are reaching out to LGBT people.

The hour-and-a-half meeting was very warm and friendly, and personal respect for one another was very evident throughout the time together. New Ways Ministry appreciated the opportunity to dialogue with Archbishop Cordileone.

The meeting shows that dialogue can happen in our church when both sides are willing to speak with one another honestly and respectfully.  We were edified by this personal encounter which revealed a man who seeks to learn how the Gospel can be proclaimed more effectively. May more bishops follow his lead in personally learning more about Catholic LGBT people and advocates.

–Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry

11 Responses to New Ways Ministry Builds Bridges with Archbishop Cordileone

  1. Ryan Sattler says:

    Frank, as you know, Archbishop Lori has also been open to meet with atleast one LGBT welcoming parish here in Baltimore. He has agreed to meet again in Spring 2015. Several questions come to mind. Did the conversation with the Archbishop touch on the employment rights of LGBT parish employees? Was there any mention of the Bishop Synod on the Family? It is so clear from your story, how pleased you and Jeannine are with your meeting with the Archbishop. Praise God and give thanks for changed and opened hearts!

    • Thank you for your comment, Ryan. We did not have the opportunity to discus the employment issue, unfortunately. We did ask him a question about the possibility of LGBT people speaking at the upcoming Synod, and he honesty admitted that was out of his reach to influence.

  2. Linda Karle-Nelson says:

    Thank you, Frank, for your inspiring and encouraging report on your visit with Archbishop Cordileone. It is a great example of how dialogue can help change the way we characterize people with whom we disagree. And that goes for both sides! The Archbishop’s openness to perhaps celebrating liturgy with LGBT people is an example of the positive practical step that can result from such a meeting. The experience of parents in Philadelphia with Archbishop Chaput as well as Ryan’s message about Archbishop Lori also offer a model for others to follow. Cordileone’s suggestion to meet with leaders of diocesan ministries or chancery officials was followed recently in our Detroit archdiocese when my husband Tom Nelson wrote to our archbishop Allen Vigneron requesting a meeting with him. We have been publically at odds with positions our Archbishop has taken over the past couple of years and were not especially hopeful that a meeting would be possible. However Tom recently received a reply from the Archbishop’s secretary suggesting that we meet with his Director of Family Life services. Tom has written previously asking for a meeting with the Archbishop and received generic replies that did not address the request. This current response was a welcome one and we are looking forward to a conversation that might start building some bridges here in Detroit. Thanks to you, Jeannine, Matt, and Bob for the wonderful work you all do!!

  3. Jim McCrea says:

    Trust in God, but tie your camel. (Persian proverb)

  4. Wild Hair says:

    I think this is all very good. Now why don’t the bishops ever request a meeting with GLBT folks. Aren’t the bishops supposed to be the leaders?

  5. Friends says:

    Also closely related in the “Good News…More Or Less” Department — especially for Sr. Jeannine:

    http://news.yahoo.com/vatican-signals-tone-us-nuns-213142636.html

    Yet it still strikes me that the arch-conservative wing of the episcopal hierarchy is as difficult to turn around as a gigantic oil tanker — especially here in the United States. Making nice with “Gays Are Possessed by Satan and Need To Be Exorcised” Paprocki??!! Well, there once as a man named Neville Chamberlain, who attempted the same improbable diplomatic feat, with infamous results.

  6. Drew Conneen says:

    How appropriate, during Advent, to have this sign of Hope! The Francis effect seems to be spreading.

  7. Chris Nunez says:

    I am wondering why nobody from Most Holy Redeemer was not part of this meeting, or were they present and not mentioned? I am concerned about this kind of ‘shuttle diplomacy’ that does not seem to include the local community. This has far reaching consequences, and I write this as a parishioner in a diocese in the orbit of the Archdiocese of San Francisco. I recall how the efforts of Catholics to support lesbian and gay Catholics in the Diocese of Oakland, another diocese in the orbit of San Francisco was forced to disband its own ministry if an oath of fidelity was not signed by the people in that diocese. I have yet to read that Abp Cordelieone has apologized for this insult and blow to a fine ministry. Was this ever discussed by either Sister Jeannine or DeBernardo? This is not a good sign for some of us.

    • Thanks for your insights, Chris. Archbishop Cordileone met with New Ways Ministry personnel because our ministry had signed a letter asking him not to speak at the March for Marriage in June 2014. Part of his response to that letter was to agree to meet with any organizational signatories that requested such a dialogue. At our meeting, New Ways Ministry did encourage him to set up more opportunities to dialogue with LGBT parishioners in his archdiocese, and we specifically mentioned Most Holy Redeemer parish. He agreed that he would follow-up with them. Thanks for making this point.

      Francis DeBernardo

  8. […] Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone of San Francisco met separately with DignityUSA and New Ways Ministry in two bridge building moments. […]

  9. […] a year ago, Frank DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry’s Executive Director, and I met with Archbishop Cordileone to talk about LGBT pastoral issues. The Archbishop characterized the meeting as positive and very […]

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